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Book Review

How to Love Your Kids More than you Hate that Man, by Kim B. Miller (2006)

In this small book Kim Miller takes on a large problem – revenge parenting.  Here’s the post-divorce problem of a parent who loves the children and has custody of them, but can’t help involving them in retribution against the other parent. While such pay-back may well be justified, and often is, the process can end up damaging the children, and their relationship with their custodial parent, as well.

The book has achieved a high level of honesty and is hard-hitting enough to help a Mom who senses her relationships getting out of hand. For example, one solution, which can be a bitter pill to swallow, is to improve the relationship between the divorced parents, and to work on self-awareness.

Commendably, Kim opens the window on her own divorce and some of the problems she faced. She gives many pointers on things for a parent to avoid when in this uncomfortable situation. Anyone who has experienced this kind of dilemma will be interested in Kim’s analysis. But it's best for those with young children, who still have time to avoid the problems Kim describes.

As a publish-on-demand book, it will be difficult for this work to achieve the level of national recognition and promotion it surely deserves. Further, it reveals some problems that are common to many self-published works. The text is very short (it’s best to aim for 30,000+ words in a book) and a title that is too long for the lists. “Avoiding Revenge in Parenting after Divorce” might have been better, or words to that effect..



- Bruce Cook, Ph.D.

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